This self-declared Lonely Sex Tourist has had many experiences which leads me to believe that I have something to share with you that helps us all understand sex work. But I also claim this is a complex subject. This is part of the complex part.
When I was first divorced, I suffered for a while because the divorce wasn’t my idea. Maybe It was my fault but that was never discussed. But after several months loneliness kicked in an I wanted some company, female company.
One idea was to look into what I knew existed and that is (still is) matchmaker websites. One was Matchmaker.Com. On that site there were hundreds, or so it seemed, women’s pictures. I could sort them by age and locations close to me. I lived in the suburbs of Washington D.C. and it seemed appropriate to introduce myself to those women who were close to my home but maybe 10 years younger than me. And I started looking.
There was one major problem. I had to put my picture in and add something about me. I’m not bad looking and found something to say so that was okay.
But it was the women whose pictures and introduction ruined this idea. My former wife looked right to me although our ages were less than a year apart. But, damned if those other women close to my age looked old. If I am looking for a possibly romantic and even sexual relationship, I needed at least some inspiration.
My last experience of a romantic and especially sexual nature was over 35 years earlier. Wow, and there was very little of it for me back then anyway. I am aware things have changed a lot over that period of time. Maybe it hasn’t changed at all but it certainly seems like it. I was aware of the Sexual Revolution starting in the mid-1960s but I kind of missed that somehow. But I read the media. It happened.
So, as I read those introductions of women I had planned to approach, every one of them had the same thing in common. All of them had great jobs, great friends, great children, great hobbies and generally a great life with one exception. They were on that website because there was a man, a partner missing in their life. Did I want to meet their friends -no! Did I want to meet their children or family – no. Maybe latter but not immediately. They were too damned happy for me.
I was still struggling with my divorce. I had a lot of “baggage”. I met, as I recall now, three of these women. I had coffee with two and a dinner with one. I met the secretary of the president of one of the wealthiest privately owned (not a corporation) in the USA. Cool. But, so what. These were not women I could understand or expect to have anything to share with. Did I have any sex – no. Did I feel even remotely romantic – no.
The Match.Com website gave lots of advice to both the man and the women. For example, when you meet a stranger in this way you should always meet for the first time at maybe a coffee shop in a public place in case it immediately bombs out. That sounds like good advice. Second, you should maybe have dinner at a restaurant with the chance to have deeper conversation. I was truly surprised to read that the third date is, according to the website, called the “magic date” because, if you hit it off, you will have sex on the third date Wow! Double wow!
To me, once a nice Christian boy with a weak, almost non-existent sex life before marriage, the idea of having sex on the third date was shocking.
I hear that lots of modern younger people have sex on the first date. Students sometimes have “friends with benefits”. I could go on. Having sex is just kinda normal for lots of people. I wondered what I was getting myself into.
It crossed my mind what kind of new friend I might – just might – have liked to find. Maybe I would enjoy a terrible new partner who admitted she was dumped by her boyfriend or husband, has a crappy job, maybe a baby, and maybe be my daughter’s age. My daughter and I had unexplained (at least unexplained to me) issues between us. But maybe that is a kind of woman I would like to know, to help. We can grow together, and she can even teach me about modern day sex.
Over the years after this revelation, I met many sex workers and most seemed happy in their live’s, but some also were women with problems whom I could befriend, and we could be that friend with benefits for a while. Whatever you might think about that, it filled a void in my life.
I call it: accepting love for an hour at a time. It is these experiences which make me angry when I see the exaggeration and lies about sex workers. There are lots of women – beautiful women – who have the problems in life that men can help them with if only a little at a time. And both partners to a relationship like that can benefit.
I had to stop writing to run up to the closest ATM machine. A young woman whom I had sex with a couple of times, burned out on sex work. She saw an opportunity when a women offered to let her take over a store selling bottled water. She was one of the smart good girls. I had to help.
The previous store owner offered it to her for 30,000 Thai Baht (not a lot in baht) which included existing inventory. My friend told me today that she is making good sales and also selling juices now. Okay. She did not sound defeated, and I will give her an extra 5,000 baht a week for a few weeks. I am both proud and scared for her. But I want to help. I had too. But for me this is normal and yet I am just another lonely sex tourist.